I feel like everything is going to shit and its part of the big picture

So we left our church. Not God just the crazy legalistic up your crack movement we were in. Crazy how now that seems like a brief (5 year) interlude in our real lives. Like it never even happened. Wierd. I'm shunned of course and this is a little odd on cook out holidays and that sorta stuff. Its odd that I can't call up my "best friend" but its also very free. Very real, no politics, no nicey junk just me. Business isn't going well, my honey being in construction we're scrambling all the time to make a dime just like everybody else. How are we gonna pay payroll and on and on. Of course this is when we decide our food is making us sick and we need to go organic. Cause spending MORE money on food thats helpful. So few friends, no money. Been here before, but I'd forgotten how REAL it makes things. How little room for junk and frivolity I have in my life. It makes the rubber hit the road and I have had to for real evaluate what matters, how it matters and how I can do things better. If something..even someone isn't bringing something positive into my life then there simply isn't room right now. What do I REALLY want, not what society says i should want. I don't want to work more hours to buy more crap I don't need. I don't need a bigger house, what a revalation cause I sure thought last year I wanted a bigger house. Today right now, my immediate needs are met. My bank account is negative, and thats ok. I can feed my children, I have a good husband. Right now I am ok.